Around the holidays we tend to fixate our minds on all the little things and we get so stressed out, but do those little things really matter when tragedy comes? As Christmas is quickly approaching I wanted to remind you all that there are so many things in life that don't matter in the big picture. I hope this blog post can serve as a reminder to you that life is so very fragile. Is there someone you have been wanting to reconnect with? Are you avoiding something in your life right now? Is there any person in your life you need to forgive? Or maybe it is yourself that you need to forgive? Those were some of the thoughts that came into my mind on December 18th, 2015.
At the age of twenty-two I had never been in a car accident before. There were a couple of years when I was younger that I did not want to get my license due to the fear of getting into a car accident. I still got my license at sixteen, yet, the fear of getting into a car accident still lingered. On December 18th, 2015 one of my biggest fears happened - I got into a car accident.
It was a normal Friday afternoon and my mom and I were on our way to go Christmas shopping. We were listening to Ben Rector and thinking about all the Christmas gifts we needed to buy. I was wearing my To Write Love On Her Arms shirt, with small words printed on it saying, "Please Stay Alive." I thought nothing about those words when I put the shirt on that morning, but little did I know those three words would hold great significance and meaning in my life on that very afternoon.
As we were driving, a car coming from the opposite direction, turned right in front of us. I slammed on my brakes as hard as I could. At that moment I knew there was no way I could stop in time. I remember the loud screeching sound of my brakes and the smell of my airbag as it inflated in front of me. One moment I was listening to Ben Rector in the car on my way to go Christmas shopping, then suddenly none of that seemed to matter. Instead I began to think about all the people in my life that have come and gone. I wanted to hug everyone. The lyrics of Ben Rector's song, Live Like The World Is Going To End described exactly how I felt.
One thing that stood out to me that day was the kindness of so many strangers around me. Some gave us water while others called the police. Another stranger chased down the car that hit me and got his license plate number for the police. What a blessing it was to have so many kind strangers help me. Witnessing such kind acts inspired me to want to do the same for others.
Several months later there was a car accident right outside my neighborhood. I immediately pulled over and asked if they were ok. I stayed around and waited with them until their family and the ambulance came. At times I felt out of place and awkward, wondering if I should even be there. But I am glad I got out and was there for them, even if it was in silence most of the time. As I was standing there with them I remember the boy said something to me very similar to what I told my mom after my car accident. "I don't know how I will ever be able to drive again or if I even want to." I remember in that moment thinking to myself, "Wow! God really had a reason for me being in that car accident even if it meant helping other people."
So a year later here I am still questioning why God did this to me. I keep replaying it over and over again in my head. I wish I slammed on my brakes harder, I wish I went a different route, I wish I was driving slower, I wish I could have protected my mom from getting hurt, I wish I was driving a different car with better brakes. I can question it all I want, but that won't change anything. The amount of physical pain my mom received and the mental and emotional pain it both caused us was something I wish never happened. How do you move on with your life once tragedy comes? How can you go back to your normal life and pretend everything is fine when you are an emotional mess. I saw my life flash before my eyes and I now I have to go back to living my life like this? How do I do that?
I know my car accident happened for a reason and I may never know what that reason was but I can use this tragedy to show empathy, grace, love, and help towards others in similar positions. Before the car accident if you asked me if I was a Christian I would have said yes, but I feel like now more than ever I don't just want to say I'm a Christian I want to live it. I want to grow in my faith more than before.
Last year there were a lot of things that I was avoiding in my life due to fear. Now here I was facing one of my biggest fears which was getting into a car accident. I am relieved and happy to say that many of the things that I avoided in life last year I am now doing. Don't get me wrong though I am still a work in progress and still have a lot of fears and issues that I am dealing with. But it is a process.
Hopefully we can all learn things from my car accident. Please, Drive more carefully and be more cautious. Even though the car accident wasn't my fault it has made me more aware and more cautious than I was before. Second of all, remember to slow your life down every once in awhile. Embrace the people God has put in your life. Be in the moment and look them in the eyes when they are taking to you. Thirdly, if you have anything in your life holding you back remember that life is far too short to have things get in the way of your dreams. Lastly, please stay alive. There was a reason I survived that car accident. God has a purpose for my life as he does for yours. The world would not be the same without you here. So, please stay alive!
“When tragedy comes, may you wear hope well. May you always keep the fight alive in your hands.”